That Time I Peed on a Stick (and other weird things about being Pregnant)
For us, the decision to have a baby seemed like a natural next step in our relationship. We had been together for so long, that the transition into marriage was easy. We didn’t need the so-called honeymoon period to enjoy being just the two of us. Coupled with an emotionally heavy first year of marriage due to Matt’s dad’s illness, and his passing 2 days before our first anniversary, we were ready for a new beginning. Without coming out and saying it, we both knew this was the time we were going to start our own family.
Like many women, I had been on birth control for a long time, and my body was starting to feel the effects of prolonged synthetic hormone use. For a few years, I had been using the Nuvaring back to back, only having a period every 4 months. This was great when we were travelling, but made me realize, I didn’t know anything about how my body functioned naturally. I quit the Nuvaring and started to pay attention to my body for the first time in my adult life. Thankfully, my cycles regulated pretty quickly and from there, it wasn’t long before I knew exactly when I was ovulating. I could often feel a little ‘pop’ and then some cramping on either side of my uterus. Apparently, this is called mittelschmerz which can range from the slight twinge I experience, to very painful bleeding. Yikes!
We weren’t necessarily trying (what does that even mean anyway!?) but we were definitely not not trying. This made for a very fun time in our marriage! September rolled around and I was feeling the effects of a summer full of extra indulgences, so I decided to do another round of Whole30 to get a kickstart on a healthy fall. For those who aren’t familiar with Whole30, it’s 30 days of no dairy, sugar, wheat, or alcohol. Its tough, but there are so many amazing benefits from clearer skin, better sleep, less brain fog, I could go on. You can learn more here! Apparently, one of the lesser known outcomes, is increased fertility, just ask my friend Brittany Lynn.
I had a feeling I might be pregnant a few days after the big show, but it was definitely too early to take a test. I had been experiencing a ‘heaviness’ in my womb and had a bizarre taste of pennies in my mouth. The internet told me I was either hallucinating or pregnant. After a weekend closing up the cottage, and covertly googling all the early pregnancy signs I could, I decided to pee on a stick after Matt had left for work one morning. I had one old test left from an earlier ‘scare’ so shakingly I took that. Immediately positive. Um, what?! I stared in disbelief and decided it was wrong. On my way to work I stopped at a drugstore I NEVER go to and, like any adult married woman, I bought a bunch of junk just to hide my pregnancy tests. After spending half the day in a daze, I left work early to pee on a stick in my own home and BAM another positive. Oh shit, there was a tiny little poppyseed in my belly.
When you know you're pregnant but you still try to act 'normal'
After I finished freaking out, I realized I would have to tell Matt. Since our Whippet Lanta was our only child at the time, I decided to get her a Big Sister shirt. Turns out, these are not so easy to find. I had a few mini freakouts at the mall while in baby stores (What am I even doing here?! I don’t have a baby…OMG I WILL HAVE A BABY BECAUSE THERE IS ONE GROWING IN MY BODY RIGHT NOW!!) I bought the only shirt I could find and waited anxiously until Matt came home. I ran up the stairs as soon as he got home to ‘let Lanta out of her crate’. She came down the stairs in her little shirt and my eyes filled with tears…until Matt said, “That’s a stupid shirt Britt, it doesn’t even fit our dog.” I kept trying to get him to read it, but he just kept ignoring me, talking instead about how poorly it fit her, AS IF THAT WAS THE WIERD THING ABOUT OUR DOG WEARING A SHIRT. Finally, after a million years (in reality, maybe 3 minutes) he read it and looked at me in shock. I was already in tears when he asked me if I was pregnant, I think I managed to nod. Stunned, he just said in the most loving way, “Fuck Off” which is hilariously appropriate because that’s exactly what I said to him when he asked me to be his wife. After the hugging, and crying, and intensive examining of a number urine saturated sticks, we realized, we don’t know ANYTHING about babies. Shit.
And then there were (almost) 4